Last night was the first night of Rosh Hashana. I decided on Sunday that it would be a nice night to go visit my relatives in the suburbs of Chicago. It turned out to be a horrible decision.

The following are texts between me and my 18-year-old brother, who was tasked with keeping me updated on the night’s four important baseball games.

7:40 p.m. Adam: Ayi david price

7:48 p.m. Adam: Yanks 6-0 sox 3-2 atl 3-1 stl 5-0

8:05 p.m. Me: Damn. I really want a double 2 game playoff

8:05 p.m. Adam: Me too. Doesn’t look like the al will have one

8:11 p.m. Me: Smh @ Tampa. Well maybe the O’s will put up some runs

8:14 p.m. Adam: They’ve been threatening but can’t get one across. I really hope so

8:15 p.m. Me: Hopefully they’ll blow it before they get to Paps

8:16 p.m. Adam: I feel like it’s gunna end 3-2. Classic sox.

8:19 p.m. Me: 5 out paps save

8:57 p.m. Adam: Omg Kimbrel :O

8:57 p.m. Adam: Well the braves :O

8:57 p.m. Me: Oh no

9:00 p.m. Adam: 3-2 top 9 and kimbrel gives up a run. 2 outs bases loaded. Him and venters couldn’t throw strikes. Bringing innnnnn medlin to face michael martinez I think. Kimbrel walks 3, venters 2

9:00 p.m. Me: Jesus christ

9:00 p.m. Me: That’s the strength of their team

9:04 p.m. Adam: Well not recently. God this would be catastrophic. Medlin has pitched 1 game all year! Omg freddi!

9:04 p.m. Adam: Pop out to third. Jeeeeez freddi my god

9:05 p.m. Me: THE FREDBIRD

9:13 p.m. Adam: Top 10 now

9:14 p.m. Me: Damn, so insane

9:19 p.m. Adam: Feels like the braves are gonna walk off

9:23 p.m. Me: Crazy night

9:25 p.m. Adam: Omg pence hosed uggla at home earlier in the game

9:25 p.m. Adam: JORDAN! YANKEES 7 RAYS 6!

9:26 p.m. Me: I knew that was coming

9:26 p.m. Me: What happened

9:27 p.m. Adam: I have no idea lol

9:27 p.m. Adam: ^9 now 7-6

9:27 p.m. Me: Jesus

9:30 p.m. Adam: Longo hit a 3r hr apparently

9:31 p.m. Me: Longo

9:34 p.m. Adam: Omg michael martinez just saved the day

9:35 p.m. Me: Lol that guy

9:45 p.m. Adam: Bott 9 1 out. Ooooomg kotchman crushed a hr foul

9:45 p.m. Adam: 2 outs

9:46 p.m. Me: RIP RAYS

9:46 p.m. Adam: Yes Dan Johnson is up lol

9:48 p.m. Adam: DAN THE FUCK. DAN THE FUCKING JOHNSON. FUCK WITH HIM AMERICA. FUCK WITH HIMMMMM

9:49 p.m. Me: NOOOOO WAY

9:49 p.m. Adam: HAHAHA HOLY SHIT

9:50 p.m. Me: That’s unreal. God, I picked the worst day to not be by a TV/computer

9:51 p.m. Adam: Lol honestly you really did

9:52 p.m. Adam: Sean rod on first. Jennings up omg.

9:52 p.m. Me: Oh I would love that

9:53 p.m. Adam: Braves still 3-3 cards won sox delay

9:53 p.m. Me: Good for STL

9:54 p.m. Me: No way Yankees will win. They already took out all their guys right?

9:56 p.m. Adam: Lol and used all their pitchers

9:56 p.m. Me: Exactly

10:03 p.m. Adam: 2 outs dickerson on 1st. Braves bout to bat in their game. Sox game started with aceves now first and second 1 out

10:07 p.m. Adam: Bott 10 in tb. Romine strands 2. Heyward on 2nd 1 out conrad up

10:10 p.m. Adam: Omg bj upton chants as he’s batting lol

10:11 p.m. Me: Let’s go bossman

10:13 p.m. Adam: 2nd and 3rd 2 out for prado

10:13 p.m. Adam: Prado grounded out to third

10:22 p.m. Adam: Top 11 in tb

10:22 p.m. Me: So epic. They’re obv gonna win

10:23 p.m. Adam: I really hope so.

10:26 p.m. Adam: Top 9 3-2 sox

10:26 p.m. Me: It would be awesome if the O’s tied. Three extra inning games.

10:27 p.m. Adam: Lol I kinda want paps to close it tbh

10:27 p.m. Me: Paps closes are always epic

10:29 p.m. Adam: Lol yes always so intense

10:30 p.m. Adam: Ohhh man hunter pence 4-3 philly :O

10:30 p.m. Me: : oooooooooooo

10:31 p.m. Adam: Still 1st and 3rd 2 outs

10:32 p.m. Adam: Wow scutaro hosed at home. Bottom 11 in TB. Bott 13 in atl.

10:32 p.m. Adam: Lol you have no idea. I’m going between 2 games after every pitch in the rays game lol. Its crazy.

10:36 p.m. Adam: 1 out in atl

10:38 p.m. Adam: Someone is gonna have to pinch hit the hopper soon lol

10:39 p.m. Me: Rofl

10:42 p.m. Adam: Cards win the wild card. Rays are cooking here 1&2 1 out

10:42 p.m. Me: Wooooooow @ braves

10:43 p.m. Adam: Right. Nooooobody thought they weren’t gonna make it. How absurd

10:44 p.m. Adam: Same situation 2 outs in tb

10:45 p.m. Adam: Top 12

10:48 p.m. Adam: Paps is on 3-2 bottom 9

10:48 p.m. Me: PAPS

10:51 p.m. Adam: Paps 1 out

10:55 p.m. Adam: Paps 2 outs. The rays are destined Jordan. Or girardi is really trying to lose.

10:55 p.m. Me: Lol

10:55 p.m. Adam: Chris Davis double looool my God

10:57 p.m. Adam: The Yanks just gave the rays an out instead of scoring lol

10:59 p.m. Me: Lol it’s gonna take the rays 15 innings

11:00 p.m. Adam: Bottom 11 in tb. OMG REIMOLD DOUBLE 3-3. PAPS!

11:00 p.m. Me: PAPS NOOOO

11:01 p.m. Adam: He’s gonna get shot

11:02 p.m. Adam: Btw Scott proctor is still in and hasn’t given up a run lol. ANDINOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO PAPS NOOOOOOOOO

11:03 p.m. Me: NO WAY

11:05 p.m. Adam: Jordan this isn’t real life. With 2 outs. I don’t know what is happening. Baseball is unbelievable

11:05 p.m. Me: I can’t believe I’m missing all this

11:06 p.m. Adam: LONGOOOOO LONGOOO LONGOOOO LONGOOOOOO LONGOOOOOOO LONGOOoOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOOO

11:07 p.m. Me: Oh my god

11:09 p.m. Adam: HAHAHA LIKE 30 secs after the sox lost! Jordan

11:11 p.m. Adam: Lol just a retarded series of 4 hours

11:12 p.m. Me: This is honestly the worst night of my life

11:12 p.m. Adam: I feel so bad honestly

11:14 p.m. Me: I feel like I slept thru 9/11